Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
