Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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