my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
