Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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