I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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