How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
