On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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