Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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