it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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