its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
