When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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