I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The beer is more important than you right now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
