my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
