She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
