just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
