I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
