I am in a vortex of obligation.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
