so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
