Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
