The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just blew my weed a kiss
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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