apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
