all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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