Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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