Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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