If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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