Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
