I'm going to jail i love you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
