I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
