He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
