Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
