i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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