dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
