I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
