I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
