cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
