Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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