I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The uberlube is also flammable
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
