I wish I could punch you in the face.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
