Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
