Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
