she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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