its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
