I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
