Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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