I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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