no, he came in my armpit
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
