it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
