You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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