I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize