The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
