dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize