I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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