ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
FUCK WHALES
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
