hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
