Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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