i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
