His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
