I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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