how can u be prego again
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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