dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
