new low.... made out with someone while peeing
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
