just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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