Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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