I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
