Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the liver wants what the liver wants
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
