You can't special order awesome
he thought i was a dude.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
