do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
