found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
