I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
