Your dad touched me again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
