I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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