Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
