I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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