Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she smelled like a LAN party
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
