yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
