this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
