When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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