why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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