For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
