Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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