your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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