I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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