Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
