i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
