the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
