they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
