And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
