I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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