dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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