he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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