U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
