Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
