ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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