Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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