so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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