I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize