It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
