Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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