we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
