She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm too high and old for this...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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