dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
These tits shall not be calmed
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