hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
